Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Get down low and go, go, go...

Today we had a very important meeting with the children. We were explaining our new fire drill and lock-down procedures. Basically we sound a bell if there's a fire and they all go outside to the oval. If there's a lockdown (for a stranger or wild animal... yeah a killer koala or something) we sound a siren and the children come inside and be really quiet. There were about 80 kids in the room and it was very hard to keep them focused. Many children kept putting their hands up and asking really dumb questions. I ended up writing them down so I could show everyone what I have to put up with. Now remember - this was a very imporant meeting about their safety.

Child A: What if you're on the toilet and a poo is coming out?
(At this point one of our leaders bursts out laughing, at which point I ask them to leave.)
Me: You'll just have to finish as quick as you can.
Child B: What if it's diahorrea?
Me: You'll just have to be quick.
Child B: What if it doesn't stop.
Me: It will at some point and then you can leave.
Child B: But..
Me: It'll be all right, I'll wait for you. Now let the others ask their questions...
Child C: What if there's a fire at the oval?
Me: We won't have to worry if it's at the oval.
Child C: But it might come up here.
Me: We'll call the fire station. They're just down the road. They'll be up here before it gets anywhere near here.
Child D: What if there's a fire and a stranger?
Me: Umm... We'll work that out on the day. We're pretty smart, we'll look after you.
Child D: What if they get in?
Me: I'll save you. I'll jump on them...
Child A: They'll probably beat the crap out of you.
(Other children start yelling out other derogatory comments all at the same time.)
Me: One at a time, you guys.
Child E: What if there's a lock-down and someone farts and everyone laughs?
Me: (trying to hold back laughter) That's it! This meeting is over. You guys can go and wash your hands.


McHIlls said...

Ha ha, Jimmy Trinket. If it wasn't so funny, it would be sad. Kids today, eh?

M xx

Kelly said...

My eyes are watering! That's hilarious :)

Kelly said...

I just had to come and read this again and I'm laughing out loud even more than the first time! This is as funny as "Savety at Work"! (Ask McHills about that one!)

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmm.. kids today you gotta love em. Full of wide eyed wonder and questions that just have to be answered right this instant. I must enlighten you of a few adventures amongst the little people some time. One little snippet for you from Master Year 1 "where's her Volvo Mr T", excuse me? "her Volvo, you know private thingy", ohhh mmmmm yes well lets see and from the back of the room comes in a quiet teeny little voice "bloody volvo drivers".

blazing_star_racer said...

That's gold! It is the funniest thing that I have read for a long time. That's going to keep me going for a while..

PS. When are we racing the RC cars?

Jimmy Trinket said...

Yes, it's all very funny when you don't have to work with them!

But really, it was pretty funny, I have to try so hard not to giggle.
I'm glad you guys get a laugh out of it!

As for racing cars, I was going to try and put a new motor in this weekend, but I think the bill monster is looming (no not Marissa, tee hee) so I may have to wait, but I will soon have the Dirt Thrasher out and at 'em!

I better go, we are being assessed for accreditation this week and the pressure is on for me to come up with the goods. The kids have been really good... perhaps a little too good, yesterday in the meeting (our validator was here to see how things were going) when I called the roll and got to the names of several of the more naughtier than usual children they, instead of just saying here like everyone else said "delighted to be here James" and "here and having a very good time thankyou very much". The validator must have thought we'd bribed them with something really good, oh dear, what am I to do!

And finally Anon, I'd love to trade tales around a camp fire one night, now that would be a giggle-fest!